It suddenly struck me in my head.
I was walking down the street, heading back home. I couldn't help myself from wondering into lands of thoughts while walking down the street at night. It was then 9:47p.m.
I was heading home all right, however, it is not the exact home I wish to be. I was just heading to the place where I could lie down, and have my eyes shut and call it a day. It is just a shelter for me to have my rest and my sleep. My actual location is pretty far away from my true home, in fact, it's ocean-apart. The piece of land where I am standing now and where my real home are separated by South China Sea. It isn't that far if you refer to the World map, even if you refer to Malaysian Map, it is still not that far. But, it is far enough for me.
It's been six years since I board the plane, which brought me to Subang Airport in KL end of April 2000. Six long years I have been away from home. I have spent five of the six years in the historical city of Malacca. Although I occasionally go back for holiday, it was not enough to prevent the fact that I am more of a stranger in my homeland. The longer I stay away from home, the more I feel I am a stranger to the place. Whenever I was out back home, I don't get to see things which I am familiar with, they're constantly changing. I don't get the sense of familiarity from the people around me. Friends who I used to spend time with during my younger days, are either abroad studying or working, or getting busy with their own lives, working or settling down with their own families, kids and spouses. It wouldn't be surprise if I feel that I am out of place each time I return to my homeland.
Few months ago, I have decided that I may just take this chance, to expose myself to the life in a harsh place, fast-paced environment in the nation's capital. I thought I could utilized this opportunity to observe and learn something which couldn't be found back home. My priority wasn't to find pots of gold here, neither was my true intention. The pot of gold I am searching at this point is nothing of monetary form. It is the knowledge which I am looking for, the knowledge I hope to gain, enough for me to bring back home to start developing the land I was born in. Pretty ambitious goal, I know, and it could be naive too. But, without goal and vision, what makes of us? Where will we be if we have no directions to head to? Won't we be drifting around aimlessly, looking lost?
With that personal goal I set for myself, I strive for survival aiming to achieve that goal in 2-3 years time. I may not get the chance in my first strike. Fair enough, the world isn't perfect. I was determined to standby my decision and reasons to stay in the peninsular.
That determination took a hit. It was sort of a wake-up call. I was on phone with my parents while I was in the LRT Train (LRT: Light Rail Transit). My dad celebrated his Lunar 51st Birthday today. 51st birthday is one of the most meaningful moment according to chinese tradition, yet, I missed it. I was not there for him. After the phone conversation ended, I wandered into thoughts. Few days ago, I read this entry in my friend's blog, where he faced death for the first time in his life. He lost someone close in his life. That added some note to my thought as well.
One of the greatest fear for us, as human, is to lose something. Fears stake up more, if one loses something irreplacable, something that even Roman Abramovich cannot buy with his millions. There is a saying that money isn't everything. This is very true to certain extent. It is important to gain wealth, however, there are really something which has higher value than wealth. I have lost 5-6 years of time with my family, and I am going to lose more of those time when I decided to stay here for an extension of at least a year or two. Those time I have lost, I could never replace it even i become a millionaire one day. I could never buy the time when my nieces were born, when my nieces grew up, how my nieces grow from a cute cuddling baby to a grown up girl, when my parents celebrated their birthday, when my grandma celebrates her golden age, and the list grows on and on...
I had missed most of the moments I could not possibly turn it back now. And, we know that there might be a possibility that some of the events, may not occur anymore. How long can an individual live in this modern day? 70-80 years? A century is an unlikely mark to achieve now. My parents are at the half-century mark now. They have lost their time with their only son for 5-6 years, and most likely they'll have to endure that a little longer. I suddenly feel sorry for that.
How much value does money has? Is money really that powerful? I guess not, it is important, but not that important yet. I love my parents. I will make sure my adventure to this land will end after a year or two. I will not make them going through days, where they return to and empty home. They have endured a tough time already, spending years worrying and supporting me. It had been tough for them. I want to repay the time lost to my parents and my family.
Just a little longer.. I shall be back.. I am sorry..
Cherish love, cherish time, cherish your love ones..
Most of the time, things don't last forever... Cheish while you are still at it...
*Updated: The world is not just about me and myself only. I still have people whom I love, people whom I care, and someone whom I like.. I will not miss out on any chance and moment with them. At least I will try not to... I don't wanna miss a thing.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
It suddenly struck me in my head.
Oh! Silly me.. How can I forget?
Merdeka! Merdeka! Merdeka!
48 years ago, Malaya declared independency from the English colonization. Led by the late Tunku Abdul Rahman, Malaysia's first Prime Minister, Malaya was born. 6 years later, Malaysia is officially formed when Sarawak, Sabah and Singapore (No wonder people remember Sabah better than Sarawak, it's the alphabetical effect. Despite Sarawak being the largest state in Malaysia, most people in Penisular knows not much about this land. How sad.) joins into Alliance of Malaysia. It was then 15 September 1963.
Some time later, 9 August.. Singapore withdrew from Malaysia, and declare itself as a nation.
Hmm. that's some bit of history. That's the best I could remember from my SPM days! Not too bad, consider the score I had for the History paper. Hehe.. Shh....
Posted by allen at 3:38 PM
Since I have not much idea what to blog about, I will just emulate what my friend is doing in his blog (http://pinkeeywave.blogspot.com/). I'll just do this Picture of the Day thing.
So here it goes!
This pic is taken quite sometime ago. On the left is Menara Public (or Public Bank Tower.. or whatever it is..) on the right, you have.. heck.. I don't even know the name. It's the AmBank Building though.
Photos taken with Canon Powershot A70 (Shutter speed: 1/2 sec, Aperture: F5.6, ISO: N/A)
I just happen to forget what the ISO setting was. Hehe.
Posted by allen at 3:09 PM
Friday, August 26, 2005
Clock's showing exactly 10 minutes to 6p.m., I'll be gone off from the office when the minute-hand strikes the number 12. It's been an unproductive day for me. Not sure what I should blame to, but it just happens to be unproductive.
I spent the morning chatting away. Chat topic surrounds job and money. Clearly, that has been my main concern of late. It's really bothering me a lot, facing prospect without having a proper job when the industrial training expires is just unthinkable. Money is essential to survive in this city. Money is what I need to get before I make any other move. Yet, I have failed to secure an employement for myself. What has possiby gone wrong? Although I have other backup plan, but I would really wish that this matter can be resolved within this month.
Decision has been made, I was, and still am determined, to stay in pennisular for the duration I have initially planned. And, I will stick to the decision I have made. Having known the situation I am in, someone just can't stop telling me how other fresh grads are making better pay than he is right now. I am okay to be the listener and share. But I was okay until he just couldn't stop and went over the limit. As if he is taking me as a victim of his evil plan, putting me in more misery than I have had, just to ease his own problem. Man, I know my
shit situation better than anyone out there; thus, I know what my priority should be. Time's ticking. I am playing a very dangerous game here.
So please, as low as your pay may be, as long as you have enough to keep you survive at this point, be GRATEFUL! Survive first and strike later! You can't do much if you don't survive at all. You're given no chance if you fail to survive! Now I am paving my way to survival, not knowing if I am able to make it to the survival shore or not. At least you're surviving, and you get to have a chance to strike back.
It's been 15 minutes since I first started with this entry. Signing off now...
Posted by allen at 6:05 PM
Friday, August 19, 2005
English Premiership has got their season started last week. And, I am really slow to put my update here! I haven't really got much time lately. Sigh. Anyways, great start for Manchester United. Led by Rooney and Ruud, Manchester got their winning start at Everton with a 2-0 victory. Defending champion Chelsea was really lucky to walk away with a 1-0 victory at Wigan. Credit to Wigan, Chelsea deserved nothing to win that match. Wigan was mighty holding off Chelsea for more than 90 minutes, only an injury-time-Crespo goal spoilt the party. Arsenal also managed to get off a winning start by beating 10-man Newcastle United. Goals didn't come until the last 10 minutes, where Henry scored from penalty. European champion Liverpool had to settle for a draw with Middlesborough despite an inspiring effort by skipper Steven G.
Results else where: Aston Villa 2 - 2 Bolton, Man City 0 - 0 WBA, Sunderland 1 - 3 Charlton, Tottenham 2 - 0 Portsmouth, Fulham 0 - 0 Birmingham, Everton 0 - 2 MU, Arsenal 2 - 0 Newcastle, Wigan 0 - 1 Chelsea, West Ham 3 - 1 Blackburn.
Where will Owen go before transfer window closes on 31 August? I sure hope Man Utd can snap him up. This week should see Nakata in action with Bolton (or not? can't remember the report), Edgar Davids making Debut with Hot Spurs.
Special Note: Made a personal record by watching 3 movies in a row. Stealth is a no brainer. Story line sucks big time. If you're looking for actions and explosions, it is still okay. Fantastic 4 isn't that BAD! Just that I have to agree on it's story line, it lacks development. Probably too many superheros in the movie. Pace of movie was moving too quickly till at a point. Anyways, Jessica Alba sure is hot. *drools!*
Posted by allen at 6:09 PM
Friday, August 12, 2005
One boy was floating in the cloud few days back.
One boy is down with frustrations.
One boy was hanging over the sweet moments he had.
One boy is now back in reality.
The girl was sweet and lovely.
The girl is sweet and lovely.
The girl was happy, and so was he.
But the girl is still not his.
Haze clouds the capitol.
Doubts clouds the boy.
Haze cleared a little bit, showing signs of better hope.
Hope that it is the same for the boy.
Posted by allen at 4:30 PM
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
One boy came home smiling last night.
One boy came home in the train smiling last night.
He just couldn't stop the happiness flowing out from his heart.
A sense of delight filled the boy's emotion.
He is almost floating to the sky, though he is firmly seated on the chair.
This new found joy for this boy, has been difficult to be expressed, hard to be explained.
Maybe these are the reasons...
The smile on her face.. priceless.
The excited look on her face.. priceless.
The joy that burst out from the inner her.. priceless.
The moment the boy gets to see all these first hand.. most priceless!
The Priceless Reasons..
Happy Birthday, girl! Glad that you enjoyed yourself. ^_^
Posted by allen at 10:16 AM